Spin
by Hawk Clowd
Summary: Tatsuha is staying in Tokyo over his summer break from school and ends up living his dream... Sort of.
1. Part One

**Title:** Spin

**Author:** Hawk Clowd

**Disclaimer: **so far as I know, I own nothing.  Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world.  I just like to play.  ^_^

**Blood Type:** I don't care...  Something flammable, like hairspray.  Simply because you could light a match and Ryuichi would be on _fire_.

**Warnings:** very few.  Yaoi, which is a fairly obvious one, considering the fandom, random smut, and possible angst.

**Archived:** all of the usual places.

**Part: **One

**Author's Notes:** I've been reading non-stop Gravitation smut for the past three days and have discovered that at least half of it is chock full of so much sweet and fluff that I end up gagging.  Smut shouldn't be sweet.  *pout*  Anyway, I decided that I would write a bit of anti-sweet smut, simply because I had nothing else to do.  It's probably badly written, but I really don't care very much (I'm not that nice).  Besides, anything that keeps my brain from turning into mashed potatoes is good.

---

Tatsuha had dreamed up over a thousand and two different ways in which he and Sakuma Ryuichi could meet and become lovers.  He had imagined them meeting after a concert and then making out either back stage or on the floor of a limo.  He had fantasized them meeting at a random nightclub and then going somewhere a little more private in order to indulge themselves.  Heck, he'd even imagined meeting Sakuma Ryuichi in the halls of NG Studio and following him into one of the empty recording rooms.

He had never really expected this.

Desperate to get away from his father and all of his duties at the temple, Tatsuha had managed to connive a way of getting out.  Claiming he had promised to visit a temple in Wakayama over his summer break from school, Tatsuha had bought a train ticket and escaped to his brother's apartment in Tokyo.  It had taking more begging than it was really worth, but Tatsuha had somehow convinced Eiri to let him stay for the summer.  Shuichi had been thrilled when he found out.

Two weeks went by before he walked in on Eiri and Shuichi getting it on in the bedroom, but they had been so involved in their activities that they hadn't even noticed him until it was already over.  Shuichi had started gibbering and blushing like a schoolgirl who had just been caught stealing her teacher's tic-tacs.  Eiri hadn't seemed all that bothered by it, though; he had simply lit a cigarette, located his clothes, and made a snide crack at how Tatsuha must have been desperate for another perversion outlet.  This, of course, had only made Shuichi's gibber louder.

The next time Tatsuha happened to catch them in the act, he decided, he would definitely have to take notes.  Eiri had a very surprising range of tricks and techniques that had never occurred to Tatsuha; learning them could only be beneficial to his own cause.  Unfortunately, it didn't look as though it would happen any time soon; embarrassed at having been caught, Shuichi was denying Eiri of any sex whatsoever while Tatsuha was living in the same house.  This made Eiri unhappy, for obvious reasons, and consequently made living in the house generally unpleasant for Tatsuha.

The first month of Tatsuha's makeshift vacation was nearly over before he finally had the chance to see his idol--his one true God--Sakuma Ryuichi.  He'd met the man in the past, of course, but those meetings had all been far too brief and there had always been other people (Tatsuha secretly referred to them as 'witnesses') around, preventing a successful seduction of that gorgeous, gorgeous man.  It didn't help matters at all that the much-admired singer could rarely remember who Tatsuha was when they did happen to meet, but Tatsuha's hope and dedication never wavered.

Having been ordered to buy his brother more cigarettes, Tatsuha was turning his key in the lock when he heard, through the door, the sound of Shuichi's karaoke machine belting out a mediocre techno beat.  This, of course, was hardly remarkable; when Shuichi was home, the apartment was always full of some sort of noise, whether it was Shuichi's stereo, the television, or Eiri yelling at the top of his lungs.  What _was_ remarkable was the duet accompanying the terrible techno beat.  One of the voices was probably Shuichi's, although Tatsuha wasn't absolutely positive of that.  The other voice...

The other voice was unmistakable.  It was the voice of a man who was more than a man, of a god who walked among his people.  It was the voice of Sakuma Ryuichi.  Tatsuha's biggest crush, his love, his life...

His _god_.

Tatsuha lingered in the hallway for quite some time, trying to work up the nerve to walk into the apartment, before he burst in through the door.  He walked stiffly and slowly, trying--and failing--to give off an air of sophistication.  In the end, he more resembled a wooden marionette being pulled along by its strings, but how was he to know?

Shedding his shoes in the entrance way, Tatsuha bit his lip and stepped into the room Shuichi and the not-so-mysterious singer were in.  He'd been right about the person's identity, of course--how could he not have been?  In any case, the two singers were doing home-style karaoke to older songs.  At the moment, Shuichi was crooning along to an English Tatsuha didn't recognize.  The other singer--Sakuma Ryuichi himself!--was laughing uproariously and teasing Shuichi about his terrible English.  Tatsuha froze in the doorway, staring.

When Shuichi noticed him, he stopped in the middle of his song and beamed.  "Welcome back, Tatsuha!"

Unable to locate his vocal cords, Tatsuha could only nod mutely.  Undeterred, Shuichi continued onward, intent on making nice.

"You know Tatsuha, don't you, Ryuichi?  And Tatsuha definitely knows you, so..."  The younger pop star shrugged his shoulders and grinned widely, letting his voice trail off.

Sakuma Ryuichi beamed.  "Tatsuha-kun!  I remember you!"  Tatsuha stuttered a brief reply, but it obviously wasn't enough to keep Ryuichi's attention on him for too long.  "Sing with Shuichi and Kumagoro and me!  It'll be fun, na no da!"

"Yeah, sing with us!" Shuichi agreed, grinning.  "I've never heard you sing before!"

Looking from one singer to the other, Tatsuha shrank up into himself.  "I...  I think I'll just listen for a little while.  Is that okay?"

"That's fine," Shuichi confirmed.  "If you get tired of it, though, Yuki's been in his office all day and you're more than welcome to try and drag him out of it so he can eat or sleep or whatever it is he needs to do."

Ryuichi's face split into a smile.  "He should sing with us, too!  I'll go get him!"

"NO!"  Both Shuichi and Tatsuha rushed to stop him.  Shuichi shook his head at the older singer.  "That would be a _bad_ idea," he said decisively.  "And it probably wouldn't be any fun at all."

Tatsuha nodded.  "Besides, Eiri can't carry a tune to save his life."

Shuichi giggled.  "Really?"

"Really."

The confirmation of this fact immediately started Shuichi in on a fit of uncontrollable laughter, which both Ryuichi and Tatsuha could not help but join.  The ice having finally been broken, the three eventually turned back to the karaoke machine and proceeded to belt out songs, the majority of which were in Japanese now, much to Tatsuha's relief.  After all, of the three of them Ryuichi was the only who had even an elementary-level grasp on the language.  Nearly twenty minutes passed, full of their laughter, singing, and chitchat.  Tatsuha was on top of the world; never before had he spent so much "quality time" with someone as wonderful and heavenly as Sakuma Ryuichi and he was savoring every moment of it.

Eventually, however, they must have gotten _too_ loud, as Eiri suddenly burst out of his study, throwing the door against the wall.  "All of you!" he roared.  "I'm trying to work!  Either shut up or get out!"

As they all gaped, the door slammed shut again.  Ryuichi's eyes welled up.  "Naa, Mister Yuki Eiri man is mean, na no da!"

"It's because he's horny," Tatsuha informed the singer, rolling his eyes.

"Naa?"

"He's stuck writing smut novels and he isn't getting any himself," Tatsuha explained, directing his words pointedly at Shuichi, who flushed a bright red.

"That's not my fault!" Shuichi protested weakly.  "I mean, yeah, he's not...  Well, it's no reason to be such a grouch anyway, especially when there's company over!  I mean, lots and lots of people all over the world must be in situations like his and they're not all mean and irritable!"

"All those people don't have the infamous Uesegi libido, either," pointed out Tatsuha.  Shuichi's face pulled into a pout.

"Kuma-chan has an idea, na no da!" Ryuichi suddenly proclaimed, holding up his stuffed bunny.  Tatsuha eyed the thing warily.  "Tatsuha can come stay with me and Kumagoro tonight and Shuichi can make Mister Yuki Eiri man all happy, no da!"

"Eh?" Shuichi questioned, flushing again.  "I don't know if that's a good idea.  Tatsuha can be really really tricky sometimes; he could do bad things to you!"

"Don't talk about me as though I'm not here," Tatsuha mumbled, but no one heard him.

"Kumagoro will protect me, na no da!" Ryuichi exclaimed, beaming.  His bunny waved its pink arms in agreement.  "Pleeeeaaaaase, Shuichi?  Kumagoro wants Tatsuha to come over!  He's fun!"

"Yes, Shuichi, let me stay over!" Tatsuha begged, clinging to Ryuichi's arm.  He felt almost light-headed; his god actually wanted to hang out with him!  Unsupervised!  Things couldn't get better than this!  "I'll be good!  I promise!"

"Demo..." Shuichi seemed torn between protecting Ryuichi and alleviating his lover's bad temper, but as Shuichi looked over his shoulder at Yuki's office, Tatsuha knew that he had won.  "Okay!  It's not my problem anyway...  You guys go and have fun and stuff and I'll...  I'll make Yuki a little less grumpy."

**---end part one---**


	2. Part Two

**Title:** Spin

**Author:** Hawk Clowd

**Disclaimer: **so far as I know, I own nothing. Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world. I just like to play.

**Blood Type:** I don't care... Something flammable, like hairspray. Simply because you could light a match and Ryuichi would be on _fire_.

**Warnings:** very few. Yaoi, which is a fairly obvious one, considering the fandom, random smut, and possible angst.

**Archived:** all of the usual places.

**Part: **Two

**Author's Notes:** Yeah, I'm really tired and didn't bother to proofread any of this before I posted it here. I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors you, as the reader, may find. Please let me know what needs to be fixed or if you have any suggestions for the next part, which will be coming along sometime soon (with any luck)!

---

Ryuichi never really explained why, but once they left Eiri's apartment he decided that he really wanted to get a few drinks. So, after hitting up a few bars and three very expensive liquor stores in search of a decent bottle of wine, Ryuichi and Tatsuha finally reached the expansive pent-house flat Ryuichi called his own. The elevator was busy, so the two of them ran up nine flights of stairs, laughing and falling over themselves the entire time. When they did finally get up there, however, it took Ryuichi almost a full five minutes to find the key and undo the lock.

Throwing open the door, Ryuichi stepped back to let Tatsuha inside. "Here we are, na no da no da! Do you like it?"

"Sure do," Tatsuha answered before he even had the chance to look around. He paused when he actually caught a glimpse of the place. "It's really... Empty."

That was true enough. There was very little of _anything_ in Ryuichi's house, really. The room seemed to be mostly bare, with the exception of a small desk and chair sitting near one window and several boxes littering the floor. It didn't really look like a home at all, Tatsuha noticed, but more like an old storage room or a Spartan hotel room. The only proof that it was actually lived in was, it seemed, the trashcan sitting underneath the desk, and that was only because it was practically overflowing from the massive amounts of crumpled and ripped paper it contained.

Tatsuha coughed. "Well," he began, "what now?"

Ryuichi held up the bottle of wine he held in his hand. "We should drink some of this!" he declared. "I like wine, do you? It tastes all sour and bitter, but it has a nice flavor. I've never tried this kind before, na no da, but someone once told me it was really really good! Let's try it!"

"Let's," Tatsuha agreed, grinning. He looked around. "Do you have any glasses?"

Ryuichi laughed. "What do we need those for? It just means that I've gotta wash them later and I hate doing that so I just let 'em sit in the sink and then if Noriko comes to visit she'll get all mad at me and go roar until they get clean! So let's just drink from the bottle! Can we, na no da?"

Tatsuha agreed to Ryuichi's request, unable to keep himself from laughing along with the singer, and so they hit the wine, passing the bottle back and forth. Each swig he took from the bottle loosened Tatsuha's tongue just a little more until he began saying more than he should have. The bottle was about half empty when Ryuichi stopped him.

"I think you've had enough, Tatsuha-kun," Ryuichi murmured.

Tatsuha looked up at his newfound friend, confused by the singer's sudden change in mood... and in character. He was momentarily taken aback; the man sitting in front of him now was hardly the same person he'd been singing and drinking with only a short time before. This was the man Tatsuha had worshipped for years, his God among men. This was...

Sakuma Ryuichi.

"Sakuma-san," Tatsuha whispered breathlessly. He could almost feel the air rushing out of his lungs as he stared into the singer's deep eyes. The man was wearing a rather stern expression and he looked rather...

"You've had enough to drink," he said again, taking the wine out of Tatsuha's hands and setting it to the side. "Let's do something else."

"What should we do?" Tatsuha asked weakly. Looking into the eyes of his God, he felt that perhaps he already knew the answer to that and his heart leapt into his throat. There was a slight gleam of mischief in the other man's eyes now, and it made Tatsuha just the slightest bit uneasy.

"Oh, I don't know," the singer answered quietly. He was stroking Tatsuha's arm gently with his fingertips, barely touching the boy. "We could watch some TV--the one I've got is huge and I have lots of videos for it, even though they're all in boxes and stuff. Or we could listen to some music. Unless you've got something better in mind?" he asked, voice trailing off.

"Nnn," Tatsuha responded smartly. "Sakuma-san, I want..."

"What do you want? If you don't tell me, I can't help you."

"I want you!" Tatsuha blurted out finally, unable to keep himself silent any longer. "I want to--"

The singer stopped him by placing a finger over Tatsuha's lips. "In that case," he murmured, "we should move to the bedroom and get more comfortable, don't you think?"

"Ye... Yes," Tatsuha responded in a strangled voice. He let Ryuichi stand him up and lead him to the bedroom; the singer didn't seem to mind the way Tatsuha stumbled over himself as he did. Ryuichi, who had consumed about the same amount of alcohol as Tatsuha, was walking backwards and never once lost his footing.

Stepping into Ryuichi's bedroom was much like stepping into an entirely different house. While the living quarters had been bare and hardly lived in, the bedroom was cramped and busy. There were pictures and posters hung up on the walls, a big bed, and dressers and nightstands scattered around. The bed was still made and it looked as though it hadn't been slept in for quite some time.

Ryuichi laughed a bit anxiously when he saw Tatsuha looking at the room. "Noriko-chan set this up for me before I moved in. It's not bad looking or anything, but I don't spend a lot of time in here if I can help it. It's too much."

"I like it," Tatsuha reassured him.

"That's nice." Twisting around, Ryuichi practically shoved Tatsuha onto the bed and then proceeded to strip the younger man of his shirt, placing kisses and bites on Tatsuha's bare chest. Hissing more in pain than in pleasure, Tatsuha arched backwards into the bed. He tried to reach over and grasp Ryuichi by the shoulders, but the singer always managed to evade his grasp.

Ryuichi fingered Tatsuha's belt buckle. When Tatsuha didn't tell him to back off, the singer removed it and then wrested off Tatsuha's pants, bearing down on Tatsuha's very much erect cock. Tatsuha was stunned. He was being sucked off by his God, by the famous Sakuma Ryuichi, almost as though Ryuichi was some sort of whore he'd picked up off of the streets. It was practically blasphemy what he was letting the singer do to him, but Tatsuha couldn't bring himself to stop it.

Just as he was about ready to explode, Tatsuha felt Ryuichi's hot mouth lift, leaving him open and vulnerable to the comparatively cold air. Tatsuha shivered involuntarily, thrusting his hips upwards in a futile attempt to recapture the warmth of Ryuichi's mouth. Ryuichi, of course, didn't let Tatsuha catch him. When Tatsuha looked over, the singer was trying to peel off his shirt, which fit him much like a second skin, so Tatsuha took the opportunity to reposition himself on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows.

Once Ryuichi had freed himself of his shirt and thrown it to the side, he looked at Tatsuha with a curious expression on his face. "So... How do you want to do this?"

Tatsuha blinked, stunned. Every time he'd imagined being intimate with Sakuma Ryuichi, he'd always been sober and he had always been the one in control of the situation. He was an Uesegi, after all, a man with a lineage infamous for its sexual prowess and dominance. He had, in the past, always been the one in control during sex and no one had even once tried to dispute the matter with him before. Granted, all of his previous sexual escapades had been with women, but the point remained. Things weren't exactly going his way this time, however. He was still buzzed, although he didn't think he was drunk anymore, and he hadn't been the one to initiate anything--Ryuichi had. It was the one thing that really told him that he wasn't dreaming, that this _was_ really happening... And it was kind of nice.

"What do _you_ want to do?" Tatsuha asked finally. He was afraid that if he gave Ryuichi the wrong answer that it would all be over before it had really even begun. He had the makings of a happy ending in his hands and he didn't want to ruin them.

Ryuichi gave him a suspicious look. "You've done this before, right?"

"Well, yeah. With girls." Tatsuha frowned. "Is that bad?"

"No." Ryuichi pondered for a moment, head tilting to the side in an adorable way that made Tatsuha almost squeal in delight. He quelled his fan boy instincts. "Well, how about we just keep it the way it's going, then?" Ryuichi asked, undoing the top button on his jeans as he eased onto the bed. "That okay?"

"That's fine," Tatsuha answered, eyeing Ryuichi hungrily. He just didn't care anymore.

"M'kay," Ryuichi murmured, pushing his pants down on his hips and exposing his half-hard cock. He looked around for something but quickly gave up his search, opting instead to ease Tatsuha into a position that would make him more available; Tatsuha let the man arrange his lower body so that it was raised slightly in the air with his legs hooking around Ryuichi's chest. It was a touch uncomfortable for Tatsuha to hold the position, but he decided, resolutely, that if Shuichi could put up with things like that, so could he.

"You called me your god," the singer said softly as he ran a hand over Tatsuha's chest. Tatsuha was too fascinated by the sight of the mostly-naked Ryuichi to respond to the words right away, so Ryuichi went on. "Why did you say that?"

"What do you mean?"

Pausing to position himself at Tatsuha's entrance, Ryuichi shrugged one shoulder. "Never mind," he said, pushing his way inside of Tatsuha, who cried out in pain as Ryuichi invaded his body.

When he was younger, Eiri had started walking around on the roof of the family temple whenever the other children were being cruel to him because of his appearance. He could only do it when their father was praying in the temple or when the old man wasn't home because he knew that he wouldn't be allowed to do it any longer. Mika and Tatsuha never told on him, but there was one time when their father came home while Eiri was up there and started asking after the elder son. Tatsuha had climbed up to the roof from Eiri's bedroom window, intending to find his brother and bring him back down to the house before their father found about it, but Tatsuha had lost his balance and fell off the roof, breaking his arm. It had happened a very long time ago, but Tatsuha could still remember the hurt--it had been a burning and insistent kind of pain that wouldn't stop, even after it had been put into a cast and Tatsuha had been given painkillers. Up until now, that was the worst pain he'd ever had to go through.

This was much, much worse.

"Shit," Tatsuha cursed.

Ryuichi smiled sympathetically. "Sorry."

"Isn't there something you're supposed to use in order to keep this from hurting so much?" Tatsuha asked between winces. He remembered seeing it in Eiri's bedroom on one of the few occasions he had found reason to slip into his brother's room.

"Don't got any," Ryuichi said with a slight grunt. "Relax or else you're going to end up hurting yourself even more."

It was hard, but Tatsuha willed himself to relax his body almost entirely, yet still keep in his position with his legs hooked around Ryuichi's back. Watching the younger man, the singer eventually nodded his approval.

"Good." Then, slowly, he began to pull out of Tatsuha, who was almost relieved when he did so, but before Ryuichi pulled away entirely, he pushed back in. Tatsuha balled the bedcovers up in his fists, holding back a sharp cry.

Ryuichi hissed. "I told you to stop tensing up like that," he scolded quietly. "It's not just you it's hurting."

"S... Sorry." Tatsuha eased into a more relaxed state of mind as well as he could. What was _wrong_ with him? Here he was, finally kind of sort of living his lifelong dream, albeit with a few... modifications, and all he could think about was the pain. How did Shuichi _stand_ doing this so often with Eiri? Tatsuha resolved that he would somehow manage to muster up a brand new respect for Shuichi after this.

"You're worrying," Ryuichi noted.

"Something wrong with that?" Tatsuha retorted, growing a touch offended.

Ryuichi sighed. "Maybe we shouldn't do this anymore." He eased out of Tatsuha then, and, this time, Tatsuha noticed something.

"Am I _bleeding_?" Tatsuha cried. "Out of my _ass_?"

"Just a little bit," Ryuichi said. "But that's not unusual or anything, since you're new at this. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have--"

"Is there any more wine?" Tatsuha interrupted. There was just no way that he could deal with sympathy or apologies right then.

Ryuichi blinked at him and then nodded slowly. "I'll go get it," he said, leaving the room and gathering his clothes as he went. He returned soon after, fully clothed, with the wine bottle in his hand. He gave it to Tatsuha wordlessly and the younger man gulped from it, desperately trying to recapture his earlier buzz. It didn't work very well at all.

"Here are your clothes, na no da," Ryuichi murmured, holding out Tatsuha's pants and boxer shorts.

Tatsuha paused in mid-reach when he heard the end of Ryuichi's sentence. Shuichi had told him at least once before that Sakuma Ryuichi's mood swings almost made him seem as though he was two entirely different people, but Tatsuha had never put any thought into that. Now, however, he couldn't help but wonder if there was more to Ryuichi than there seemed to be.

"Hey..."

The singer looked at Tatsuha curiously. "What, you _don't_ want your clothes?"

"That's... not what I was going to say." Tatsuha looked down at himself, realized he was not covering his modesty at all, and flushed, taking his clothes. The he coughed. "I just wanted to... Well, I wanted to ask you... Why?" He realized belatedly that he hadn't even begun to explain his thoughts and so he continued. "Why did we just... Was that really you, back then?"

Ryuichi looked confused. "Who else would it be?"

Tatsuha hesitantly decided to drop the subject. "Well, then... What now?"

The singer shrugged, laying down on the bed next to Tatsuha, arms behind his head. He gave Tatsuha a sideways look. "I could help you out with that," he said, pointing at Tatsuha's still obviously erect cock, which bulged beneath the pants he was trying to cover himself with. "It doesn't look very comfortable."

Tatsuha paused and shook his head. "I'll just go and use the washroom or something. That's not what I meant, though. I mean, what now? What happens next, to us?"

"We sleep; it's getting a little late, isn't it, no da? Tomorrow you'll go back to your brother's apartment and things go back to normal."

"Back to normal?" Tatsuha repeated.

Ryuichi nodded. "Mmhm." He yawned. "I'm tired."

"What do you mean by back to normal, though?" Tatsuha demanded.

The singer cracked one eye open. "Well, the schools in the Kinki precinct all go back in session in a week or two and so you'll be going back to Kyoto. And I've got a tour to prepare for and I promised Kumagoro we'd got to the museum sometime before that, even though I think that's going to be really boring for me, no da. That's normal, isn't it?"

Tatsuha nodded dumbly. "And you and I...?"

Ryuichi laughed. "Is that what you're all worried about, no da? Nothing's changed, Tatsuha-kun. We're still going to be friends, just like normal always! This isn't going to make things weird, I promise." He beamed. "You should come see our show when Nittle Grasper goes back to America in a few months! Can you get away from school for that, do you think? I can take you to see where I used to live and we'll go eat at a sushi bar! American sushi is funny because it's usually not as good as it is here, but I don't eat sushi a lot so I really don't know, but that's what Tohma tells me. I like the other stuff they have there, but they fry just about everything there--even rice! And ice cream! It's not good for you, but it's still tasty!"

As Ryuichi spoke Tatsuha felt his old dreams and his new hopes fall and crash to the ground, smashing into a million pieces. Had this encounter meant _nothing_ to the singer? No, Tatsuha reasoned, it hadn't. And why should it? Ryuichi was a superstar, the idol of thousands upon thousands of people, and Tatsuha was nothing but a poor Buddhist monk with no glory or honor to his name. He was nothing to Sakuma Ryuichi.

"Hey," Ryuichi said, prodding the inattentive Tatsuha in the ribs. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Tatsuha said listlessly. "I'm fine."

**---end part two---**


	3. Part Three

**Title:** Spin

**Author:** Hawk Clowd

**Disclaimer: **so far as I know, I own nothing.  Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world.  I just like to play.  ^_^

**Blood Type:** I don't care...  Something flammable, like hairspray.  Simply because you could light a match and Ryuichi would be on _fire_.

**Warnings:** very few.  Yaoi, which is a fairly obvious one, considering the fandom, random smut, and possible angst.

**Archived:** all of the usual places.

**Part: **Three

**Author's Notes:** blah blah blah etcetera.  I have nothing to say.

---

"How was your stay at Sakuma's place?" Shuichi asked when Tatsuha returned the next morning via taxi.  Shuichi was in high spirits this morning, although there were dark bags under his eyes, almost as though he hadn't slept at all the night before.  The singer was a blur of activity, rushing to and fro around the apartment.

Tatsuha shrugged in response to Shuichi's question.  "S'okay.  Where's Eiri?"

"Still sleeping.  He'll probably get up once the automatic coffee maker starts running in about half an hour or whatever.  It's better than any alarm clock he could possibly buy."  

"What did you and Sakuma do?" Shuichi asked.  "Nothing bad, I hope."

Tatsuha shook his head, not bothering to answer.  "Is the couch safe to sit on or did you guys decide to christen it last night?"

Shuichi flushed.  "Tatsuha!"

"What?"

"That's..."

"If you're concerned about getting our cooties or something," Eiri interrupted as he stepped into the room, combing his fingers through his bed-mussed hair, "you probably don't want to be staying here any longer."

Shuichi's flush deepened and he started to babble.  When he finally regained his voice, he began to protest.  "Yuki, don't talk about stuff like that in front of other people!"

"Tatsuha isn't other people," Eiri replied, quirking an eyebrow.  "In any case, Tatsuha, you've probably caught my 'cooties' a million times over, since we used to share girls all of the time."

Tatsuha smiled just a little, tentatively taking a seat on the arm of the couch.  He was careful to avoid what were currently the more sensitive parts of his rear (which he had managed to locate while squirming in the back seat of the taxi).  "You're in a much better mood this morning," he quipped.

Eiri shrugged.  "Things got quiet after you left and I was able to get my work done."

Shuichi smirked.  "Wrong on both counts," he said in a singsong voice.

The bickering began.  Grateful that Shuichi wasn't giving him the third degree about what had gone on the previous night, Tatsuha listened to the mismatched pair quarrel back and forth.  It was satisfying, in a way.

Days passed and it came to the point where Tatsuha began looking at the massive amounts of homework he had been given over the summer break.  He busied himself with that for a while, trying to get his mind off of things--especially Sakuma Ryuichi.  Eiri, when he agreed to help, was only decent at the classes that involved writing or languages in any way.  Shuichi was absolutely no help at all when it came to the homework, but he did offer Tatsuha the phone number of his friend Hiro, who was apparently a whiz when it came to numbers and equations, so Tatsuha completed the work in record time, finishing it all a day or two before he was scheduled to go back to Kyoto.

Tatsuha also began going out more and more then, really for two reasons.  The first was to give Shuichi the opportunity to 'keep Eiri happy'.  The second was to give him time to think about whatever was troubling him at the time... usually about Sakuma Ryuichi.  During one of his walks, however, it began to rain and so Tatsuha returned to the apartment earlier than he normally did.  He didn't bother to seek out Eiri and Shuichi, instead heading to the kitchen for a drink.  He wanted to take a bath, since the rain had a tendency to make his hair feel grimy, but the only decent shower in the apartment was in the master bedroom, where Eiri and Shuichi undoubtedly were.

He had to pass their door in order to get a drink, however, and on his way back he caught his name being spoke on the other side of the door.  It was the only thing he could hear at that particular moment, but the fact that they were talking about him stuck Tatsuha as odd.  Heck, the fact that they were talking at all came as a shock to Tatsuha; Eiri was not a big talker and hadn't been for years.  Shuichi was a chatter, of course, but Tatsuha found it hard to believe that Eiri encouraged the habit, especially in the bedroom.  Tatsuha put his ear to the door.

"--and he's been all distant and he doesn't wanna do anything and he doesn't even want to watch the Nittle Grasper music videos I got the other day and even you should know just how weird that is for him and--"

"Shuichi."

Tatsuha smiled slightly.  Only Eiri could silence Shuichi with a single word.

"You don't have to tell me what he has or has not been doing; I believe you when you told me that Tatsuha was acting strangely."

"Aa...  Sorry, Yuki."

"Stop apologizing so much, you idiot."  There was a slight noise, as though someone had just gotten out of bed.  "How long has this been happening?"

"Mmm..."  Shuichi had a tendency to hum while he thought about things.  Tatsuha was sure bothered Eiri, but the writer never said anything about it.  "A while, I guess," Shuichi answered finally.  "You remember that night last week when I brought Hiro back here and I broke that table?"

"Yes."

"Since before that."

Tatsuha winced.  Shuichi and Hiro had come into the apartment dead drunk not too long ago and, as Tatsuha had discovered, Shuichi was a very clumsy drunk.  Eiri had been pissed too--he apparently didn't approve of the singer drinking, the hypocrite.  Tatsuha had been the one who had been forced to deal with Shuichi, too, since Eiri had locked him out of the master bedroom.  That had been...  Tatsuha quickly calculated it inside his head.  Two nights after his 'encounter' with Ryuichi.  Shit.

Eiri was the next person to speak.  Tatsuha listened closely, a knot forming in the pit of his stomach.  Eiri was going to figure it out--he was _good_ at stuff like that.  Damn it.

"Since before that?" Eiri repeated.  Then he paused.  "Hey.  That day you finally grew a bit of a brain and managed to make Tatsuha and your friend leave the house, how exactly did you get rid of them?"

"Eh?" Shuichi questioned.  "Well, Sakuma invited Tatsuha over to his place and they begged and stuff until I agreed to it.  What's that go to do with--OH!"

"Any thoughts?"

"Do you think that maybe he tried to do _stuff_ with Sakuma and got shot down or something like that?"

Tatsuha frowned, offended.  Why did Shuichi think of rejection first?

Eiri made a noise that was almost a laugh.  "He'd probably better off if he had been turned down.  Keep thinking."

"Do you think he and Sakuma actually did stuff, then?  Oh no!  Poor Sakuma!"

"Poor Sakuma?" Eiri asked.  "Has he been acting strangely as well?"

Shuichi paused.  "You mean more so than normal?  Well... no, not really..."

"So wouldn't it be better to say 'poor Tatsuha'?" Eiri asked, slowly leading Shuichi down the path that led to the right answer.  "I imagine that they did go ahead and try to fuck but Tatsuha chickened out before they could actually go through with it.  Or worse, he was shrugged off afterward, as though nothing had happened at all."

Tatsuha felt like cursing until he was blue in the face.  Damn him!

"Aa," Shuichi said hesitantly, "but why would Sakuma..."

Tatsuha walked away then, wanting to be alone with his despair for at least a little while longer before Shuichi figured everything out and started trying to 'fix' him.  Damn Eiri for being so goddamned insightful!  He'd practically hit Tatsuha's problems right on the mark, the bastard.

Fuming, Tatsuha turned on the television--loudly--interrupting whatever Eiri and Shuichi simply by letting them know that he was back.  It wasn't long before he heard the shower begin to run.  Soon after that, Eiri exited the room, hair wet, with a laundry basket in his arms.  Shuichi was obviously taking his turn in the shower now.

"You do a lot of laundry around here," Tatsuha noted dryly.

Eiri smirked in reply.  "The brat is very messy."  He jerked his head toward the master bedroom.  "We also take a lot of showers, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Yeah."

Eiri shot him a look, stepping into what passed for the laundry room in this apartment.  "That reminds me.  I did your laundry for you a few days ago, per request, and found something.  Did you get a sex change and forget to tell the rest of us?"

Tatsuha got to his feet, following Eiri into the laundry room and standing in the doorway, confused.  "Say what?"

"You've been bleeding in a very unusual place," the writer said, "and you didn't bother to rinse the stains out of your boxers."

Tatsuha could not find his voice to answer.

"So what happened?" Eiri continued, dumping dirty sheets into the washing machine and dropping some soap in after them.

"Don't pretend you don't know," Tatsuha said.  "I heard you and Shuichi talking!"

"Don't be such a child.  I don't know exactly what happened, thus why I presented Shuichi with multiple options.  I'm assuming that I managed to peg at least one, else you wouldn't be so irate with me."  Eiri shot him another one of his looks.  "And you shouldn't go around listening at people's doors."

Tatsuha glowered at him.

"You don't have to tell me, of course.  I don't care what you do," Eiri told him, turning dials on the machine until he finally managed to turn it on.  "But, as the elder brother, it is supposed to be in my job description."

"Shuichi put you up to this?"

"Yes."

Tatsuha sighed.  "Thought so."

"That doesn't mean that you can't tell me why you've been bleeding," Eiri said smoothly.  "Did you let that singer fuck you?"

"Aa?  Oh...  No," Tatsuha answered.  "Yes.  Shit, I don't know."

"You can tell me just why you don't know out on the balcony.  I need a cigarette."

Tatsuha frowned.  "It's raining, you know."

"I'll stand under the ledge.  Shuichi seems to think I'll quit if he prohibits me from smoking inside, but he's wrong."  Eiri skirted around Tatsuha in order to get to his study, where he opened the doors to the balcony and stepped outside, Tatsuha trailing behind.  Once Tatsuha had shut the doors, Eiri lit up expertly and started to smoke.

"Can I have one?" Tatsuha asked.

"No."

Tatsuha frowned.  "I'll tell Shuichi that you smoke inside all the time while he's not around and then he'll refuse to give you any sex at all until you quit."

"That's what hookers are for," Eiri said, but he did hand his brother both his lighter and an unlit cigarette.

Tatsuha fumbled with the lighter and eventually managed to light his hard-won cigarette.  Indicating the lighter in his hands, he smirked.  "Cute picture."

Eiri snatched the lighter back.  "You ever smoked before?"

"Nope.  Any advice?"

"Don't inhale until you're used to it."  Eiri pocketed his lighter.  "What happened with that singer of yours?"

Tatsuha hesitated.  "It's complicated.  And a long story."

Inside the apartment, Shuichi broke into song.  Tatsuha was personally amazed that he could make out the lyrics, despite the distance separating them and the closed balcony door, but he guessed he should not have been surprised.  Singing was what Shuichi _did_, after all.

Eiri rolled his eyes.  "I'm going to get that bathroom soundproofed.  But this means he'll be in there for a good hour; I should have just smoked inside."  He sighed.  "Tell me what happened, but give me the condensed version.  I'm not that patient."

Tatsuha took a tentative puff on his cigarette and could barely keep himself from coughing.  Eiri caught this and smirked, but said nothing.  Tatsuha sighed.

"The condensed version...  Well, there was a lot of wine involved," he began.  "And I had a really good buzz going and we were talking about stuff.  Next thing I know, we're in his bedroom and he's taking off my clothes."

Eiri's eyebrow quirked.  "Were you drunk?"

"Maybe a little."

"Was he?"

Tatsuha paused, thinking.  "No," he answered.  "I don't think so."

Eiri nodded mutely, leaning against the closed balcony door and taking a long hit off of his cigarette.  Following his brother's lead, Tatsuha also put the stick to his lips.  The two of them stood like this for a moment before Eiri gave him a scathing look.

"Then what?"

Tatsuha cleared his throat.  "Well, he eventually asked if I'd ever done anything with other guys before and when I said no he said he'd take the top...  You know."

Eiri said nothing.

"So shit happened and it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt in my entire life.  I kept tensing up, too, so after a minute he offered to stop.  And I let him, just because I couldn't take a little pain."  Tatsuha groaned.  "And when I asked what was going to happen next, he said nothing.  I mean, that it was all going to be the same as before.  Then he went to sleep and I came back here the next day and that was it."

"But you bled for... how long?"

Tatsuha shrugged.  "A few days, I guess."

Eiri nodded.  "I really can't believe that I'm discussing this with you, or bothering to listen to it all, for that matter, but did he prepare you at all?"  Tatsuha gave him an odd look, so he continued.  "Any lubrication?"

"Said he didn't have any."

"Did he stretch you at all?"

"Say what?"

Eiri explained.  "Before he tried fucking you, did he stretch you out?  It's like finger-bombing a girl, but obviously not in the same place."

Tatsuha made a face.  "That's gross!"

"And a good thing to do if your partner isn't used to doing that sort of thing--like you weren't.  It supposedly eases the pain later on."

"You do _that_ for Shuichi?"

Eiri shrugged.  "I don't see how that's any of your business, but yes, I used to.  I don't need to anymore, however."

"Why not?"

"He's not quite as tight anymore.  That brat started out with the anus of an infant, but it stretched out after repeated use."  Eiri hit on his cigarette again.  "A little like shirt sleeves do if you pull on them enough."

Tatsuha made another face.  "It's still gross."

"I never said it wasn't, but it's usually worth your while."  He gave Tatsuha a sly look.  "It usually prevents excessive bleeding afterwards.  Usually.  And if your singer didn't do either of those, it's no wonder it hurt you so badly.  I don't blame you for copping out."

"Mm," Tatsuha murmured.  Then a thought occurred to him.  "Hey, when you were in New York, did--"

Eiri cut him off quickly.  "Don't you even think about completing that sentence.  We don't discuss that.  Not now, not ever."

"Oh."  Tatsuha paused.  "So what do you think?"

"I think that you're a lousy story teller."

"Tatsuha snorted.  "And you're any better?"  When Eiri didn't answer, Tatsuha went on.  "Anyway, that's not what I meant.  I mean...  Now what do I do?"

Eiri shrugged.  "How should I know?  I was only supposed to find out what was wrong with you and I did it."

"Shuichi has you whipped," Tatsuha observed.

Eiri snorted.  "That will be the day the world ends."  He flicked his spent cigarette away, letting it drown in the rain.  Then he lit a new one and put it to his lips.  Tatsuha held onto his for a little longer, until it came close to the filter, and then he let it follow Eiri's into the rain.  Eiri did not offer him a new one and Tatsuha had no desire to ask for another.  Shuichi was still singing in the background.

"All right, let's pretend for one second that you're not a bastard and you're not just talking to me because Shuichi won't leave you alone until you do."  Tatsuha ran a hand through his hair.  "As my brother, what do you think I should do about this?"

Eiri paused, considering the younger sibling.  "My advice is to forget this ever happened.  It looks like your singer already has.  But you're not going to do that, are you?"

"Probably not."  Tatsuha smiled sadly.  "Would you be able to forget Shuichi had ever happened if he decided to leave you?"

"Yes.  I wish I _could_ get him to leave," Eiri retorted.

"Be honest, Eiri."

The writer was quiet for a long moment, nursing his cigarette and staring intently at the rain.  Tatsuha was beginning to think that he was not going to answer the question at all and prepared to leave, but Eiri opened his mouth then.  But it didn't seem as though he was talking to Tatsuha at all.

"I don't like to think about Shuichi when the sun isn't shining outside."

And that was all Tatsuha could get out of him about that.

**---end part three---**


	4. Part Four

**Title:** Spin

**Author:** Hawk Clowd

**Disclaimer: **so far as I know, I own nothing.  Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world.  I just like to play.  ^_^

**Blood Type:** I don't care...  Something flammable, like hairspray.  Simply because you could light a match and Ryuichi would be on _fire_.

**Warnings:** very few.  Yaoi, which is a fairly obvious one, considering the fandom, random smut, and possible angst.

**Archived:** all of the usual places.

**Part: **Four

**Author's Notes:** this part just screams 'filler'!  It's my way of telling all of you that I have no idea what I'm doing with this story...  So I'm going to waste random space while I think of a somewhat decent plot line.  We'll see how that works out.

---

Tatsuha felt much better, strangely, after telling Eiri about his encounter with Sakuma Ryuichi, and things slowly seemed to improve.  He kept busy, trying to keep his mind off of what had happened with Ryuichi, and both Eiri and Shuichi were content to let him deal with the matter in his own way.  Tatsuha was confident that Shuichi still did not know exactly what had happened, trusting that Eiri had decided that it was none of the singer's business.  Which, of course, was the truth. 

A few days before he was scheduled to return to Kyoto, Tatsuha went to NG Studios with Shuichi per the singer's request; Bad Luck was apparently recording a new single that day and, for some reason, Shuichi wanted Tatsuha's opinion.  Tatsuha, of course, was wary; he knew Eiri wouldn't rat him out to Shuichi (warped, twisted, and evil as the writer may have been, he was still Tatsuha's brother), but it was obvious that Shuichi was planning to meddle in places where he was not wanted.  Given Shuichi's nature, it was an easy assumption to make.

The beginning of the day was fairly uneventful, much to Tatsuha's relief, and he spent most of his time at the studio talking with Suguru Fujisaki.  The two had met before, of course, although only briefly, and Tatsuha was shocked to discover that there really was a personality behind Suguru's girlish looks, and that the two of them had quite a lot in common.  Tatsuha was also surprised to learn that Suguru, like himself, was still in school, despite being an important part of one of Japan's most popular bands.  Since he worked during the day, however, Suguru attended a few night classes and was enrolled in several on-line courses, which was a new trend in Japan.  Tatsuha wondered if Shuichi knew about that; the singer had never mentioned it.

A little after noon, K, the manager, let the band members go for a lunch break, so Shuichi, Hiro, Suguru, and Tatsuha all went to Zenny's, which was close by.  It caused a bit of a stir at the restaurant.  The three musicians were pelted by people asking for autographs and a few people even mistook Tatsuha for Eiri, which caused quite a few laughs.  All in all, the whole commotion delayed their lunch, making them late in returning to work.  K was angry, of course, and made everyone work twice as hard and insisted that Tatsuha busy himself elsewhere in the studio.

And so, after snitching some money from Shuichi's backpack, Tatsuha went downstairs to investigate the vending machines.  He was trying to decide if he would rather buy ramen or a soda when someone cleared their throat behind him.  Startled, Tatsuha whirled around to face Tohma Seguchi.

"I thought that was you, Tatsuha," Tohma said bluntly, a kind smile gracing his features.  Tatsuha eyed the man suspiciously, unsure whether or not his brother-in-law's grin was sincere.  The two had always been civil to one another, of course, but Tatsuha had learned early on that it was in his best interests to stay on Tohma's good side.  Things always seemed to _happen_ to those unlucky people who pissed Tohma off.

"Hey," Tatsuha answered glumly.  "Long time no see."

Tohma considered the younger man carefully.  "Mika told me you were staying in Wakayama over your summer break.  Did your plans change?"

"Well, I...  Um..." Tatsuha smiled unconvincingly and turned away to feed the ramen vending machine some money.  "You see, things finished up early over there and I realized that I hadn't been to visit Eiri and Shuichi in a long while, so I caught a ride to Tokyo...  And Shuichi asked me to come by today and listen to his new single, so here I am!  That's okay, right?"

"That's funny," Tohma said in a voice that implied that he didn't think the situation was at all humorous, "since I was just talking to Ryuichi, who mentioned that you had been staying in with Eiri for quite some time now.  The temple duty at Wakayama was a scheme to get away from your father over summer break, wasn't it?"

Tatsuha didn't answer, opting instead to curse and kick the vending machine that was holding both his money and his ramen captive.  "I hate this thing," he mumbled to no one in particular.  "You'd think that the top recording studio in Japan could afford to buy some decent vending machines, but no, we're stuck with--"

"Allow me."  Tohma nudged Tatsuha out of the way, hit the vending machine once on the side, and then handed Tatsuha the newly delivered ramen.  "Like most things in life," he began, "there is always a trick in getting what you want."

Tatsuha eyed Tohma warily.  Was he reading further into the man's statement than need be, or did Tohma's advice mean more than he was letting on?  It was probably the latter; that was definitely more Tohma's style.  But if that _was_ the case, what was he trying to say, exactly?  He said he had spoken with Ryuichi; did it have something to do with that?  Tatsuha frowned.  Just how much did Tohma know and how was Tatsuha going to worm it out of him, exactly?

"Aren't you supposed to be on tour with Nittle Grasper right now?" Tatsuha asked finally, frowning at his brother-in-law.  "Somewhere really far away?"

"Yes," Tohma answered smoothly, "but something came up and Noriko-san had us delay the tour for a week or so while she fixes things.  I believe she's having some slight marital problems, although it's really none of my business.  In any case, we're still here for the time being.  Does that answer your question?"

"More or less," Tatsuha answered dryly.

"That's good."  Tohma simply smiled.  "And you are schedules to return to Kyoto soon, is that correct?"

Tatsuha nodded reluctantly.  Talking with Tohma always made him feel uneasy for some reason; maybe because Tohma knew how to read into people's souls and unearth their deepest, darkest secrets.  That would do it.

"A couple of days, I guess."

"And so I trust that--"

"TATSUHA~AAAAA!!!"

A whirlwind of pink and green pushed past Tohma and launched itself onto Tatsuha, knocking the teenager onto the ground.  Tatsuha stared at the costumed Shuichi who was suddenly sitting on the younger man's spleen.

"Shuichi, why are you dressed like a zucchini?" Tatsuha asked, staring at the singer's elaborate (and strangely disturbing) costume.  "Is there some sort of party going on that I wasn't invited to?"

Shuichi blinked at Tatsuha and then, realizing that he was sitting on the younger man, got up, brushing himself off.  "Naa, K was being super mean about work and told me that if I didn't stop goofing off, he'd make everybody stay overnight and stuff until everything was finished and we got it all right but I told him that Yuki had promised that he'd either make dinner for both you and me or go out with us as a surprise for you, since you've gotta go home soon, but K said he didn't care and so I told him that I was gonna turn into a vegetable if I had to eat bad vending machine food one more time and so he said something in American-ese that I didn't understand so I poofed into a veggie and ran down here to find you!  We've gotta make a break for it before K figures out that I'm not really a vegetable!"

Once Shuichi took a pause to breathe, Tohma decided to seize the opportunity and speak up.  "Shindou-san," the man said, "if you're unhappy with K's skills as a manager, you only need to inform the company.  We could always arrange for you to be assigned a new manager, after all."

Shuichi's eyes widened as he realized that Tohma had heard his entire spiel about vegetables and not wanting to work.  "No, that's fine!  K is a good manager!"

"Then shouldn't you do as he asks and go back to work?" Tohma asked smoothly.  Tatsuha cringed for Shuichi's sake; the singer was trapped, now.

Shuichi struck a defiant yet victorious pose, legs spread wide and one finger pointing toward the ceiling.  The effect was sort of ruined by the zucchini costume.  "No!  All work and no play makes for dull colors and colors are better when they are bright like rainbows and so I must be free to run amuck and then get back to work as soon as--"

Neither Tatsuha nor Tohma got to hear the end of this speech, given that Hiro and Suguru rushed over, grabbing Shuichi by the arms, and were trying to drag the singer back down the hallway.  They both had their hands covering Shuichi's mouth and were trying their best to bow and still keep their hold firm.

"Sorry, sorry!" Hiro called, as they turned the corner and disappeared, probably to go back up to the recording studio.

Tohma watched them go and then smiled at Tatsuha.  "Well, I suppose it's up to you to save Shindou-san from a full night of work, isn't it?  I would hate for Eiri to slave over a hot stove all day for guests who didn't bother showing up for the meal, after all."

Eiri probably would have preferred it that way, actually, so that he could be left alone to work, but Tatsuha didn't bother to correct Tohma, opting to nod instead.  "Yeah, I'll go ahead and do that.  See you."

Tatsuha walked away then, not caring if Tohma thought he was being rude and not bothering to wonder how, exactly, he was going to release Shuichi from K's clutches.  It turned out that he didn't have to plan anything at all; Shuichi escaped on his own and met Tatsuha in the hallway, running full speed toward the front door.

"Run!" Shuichi ordered, grabbing Tatsuha's arm as he passed and dragging the younger man along.  Tatsuha could only barely keep up, but Shuichi didn't seem to notice.

"Why are we running?" Tatsuha asked between pants as the two of them left the NG building and were met by a light drizzle of rain.

"We're still in range!" Shuichi answered.  He wasn't at all out of breath, which made Tatsuha vaguely jealous.  Shuichi's stamina was amazing.

"In range of what?" Tatsuha asked.  He was answered by a gunshot coming from one of the studio's upper-story windows; it came within three feet of the pair.

"K!"

That was all the motivation Tatsuha needed and he caught his second-wind, doubling his pace and matching Shuichi's stride earnestly.  They pushed past crowds of people in order to escape K's fantastic aim and didn't stop until Shuichi was sure they were safe.  They were almost at the park Shuichi always used as a shortcut to get back to Eiri's apartment.  Tatsuha wasn't exactly sure who had told Shuichi that it was a shortcut, given that walking through the park to get to the apartment tacked an extra five minutes to the trip, but Shuichi always insisted on going through the park on his way home, even if it was out of the way.  Tatsuha never bothered to question it, but he still thought it was weird.

Safely in the park, Tatsuha stopped running to catch his breath, almost doubling over.  "He's not going to come running after you, is he?"

Shuichi, who didn't seem at all out of breath, shook his head.  "Nah.  K's an American and running is against the law there or something, so he doesn't usually do it."

"That's not quite what I meant."  Tatsuha sighed, straightening as he recovered.  "Do you do this a lot?  Run out of work, I mean?"

"Sometimes.  I love to sing, but I just can't do it every day, you know?  For one thing, my throat really starts hurting if I try!  You just can't overuse things like that, but K seems to think I'm some sort of exception."  The two of them started walking again, toward Eiri's apartment, and a thoughtful expression passed over Shuichi's face.  "K sometimes compares me to Sakuma-san or tells me that Sakuma can sing non-stop for days on end, but I just point out that Sakuma doesn't have a horny guy who loves to hear people shouting his name 'till their throats are sore pouncing on him every time he turns the corner and that usually makes K shut up about _that_."  Shuichi laughed.

Tatsuha decided it would be better not to say anything.  Shuichi really did have to learn when it was okay to talk about his relationship with Eiri and when it wasn't as okay.  Tatsuha wasn't exactly fond of hearing about his brother's sexual habits and Shuichi seemed to think that things like that were conversation pieces.  Tatsuha would have to bring that up to Eiri.

The two of them made small talk until they arrived at the apartment complex, where Shuichi discovered that he had forgotten his key to the building, and the two buzzed up.  Eiri answered gruffly; it seemed that they had interrupted his favorite television show--a corny American soap opera he watched every day without fail, claiming it was "research" for his novels--and he was displeased.  Despite his obvious displeasure, however, Eiri did buzz them up, albeit reluctantly.  The television was turned off by the time they got there, but the VCR, Tatsuha noted with a brief note of satisfaction, was recording.

Eiri looked pointedly at his watch when he let Shuichi and Tatsuha inside.  "You're back earlier than you normally are," he said.

Shuichi passed that off with a casual shrug.  "K let us off early."  He latched onto Eiri's arm, nuzzling it with his cheek and staring imploringly up at the writer.  "Yuki, you're not mad at us, are you?"

"Go away," grunted Eiri, shaking the singer off of his arm.  When Shuichi, laughing, retreated into the kitchen to get a drink, Eiri turned the television back on and sat on the couch, wordlessly handing Tatsuha a piece of paper.

"What's this?" Tatsuha questioned, taking it from his brother.

"I got bored and decided to do some sleuthing.  You can thank me later."

Tatsuha eyed the paper.  It looked like a telephone number, but, knowing that Eiri wasn't going to talk about it anymore than he already had, Tatsuha simply pocketed it.  Then he looked at the television, which was on, and the VCR, which was still recording.

"Why are you taping this if you're watching it right now?" he asked.

Over in the kitchen, Shuichi started singing--very loudly.  Eiri gave Tatsuha a smug look and then turned the volume up as high as it could possibly go.  Even then, Tatsuha realized, it was impossible to hear what the characters on the show were saying over Shuichi's piercing performance.

"That's why," Eiri answered needlessly.

**---to be continued---**


	5. Part Five

**Title:** Spin

**Author:** Hawk Clowd

**Disclaimer: **so far as I know, I own nothing.  Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world.  I just like to play.  ^_^

**Blood Type:** I don't care...  Something flammable, like hairspray.  Simply because you could light a match and Ryuichi would be on _fire_.

**Warnings:** very few.  Yaoi, which is a fairly obvious one, considering the fandom, random smut, and possible angst.

**Archived:** all of the usual places.

**Part: **Five

**Author's Notes:** if it's a big bit in italics with asterisks on either end, it's not really happening.  There's only one section like that, so it's nothing major.

---

Tatsuha was digging through his pants pockets that evening, trying to locate a piece of gum, when he came across the phone number Eiri had given him earlier.  His fruitless quest for gum was temporarily postponed as he considered the number, wondering whose it was and why Eiri had given it to him.  Curiosity eventually won out over caution and so, after making sure that Eiri and Shuichi were asleep in their bedroom (if this was a joke, Tatsuha didn't want Eiri deriving any sort of satisfaction from it), Tatsuha went to the living room to locate the phone.  And, all the while, he wondered why Eiri had bothered giving him this mystery number.  It wasn't exactly characteristic of the writer, after all.

Eiri had never been much of a big brother, in the strict sense of the word.  Growing up, it had often seemed to Tatsuha that it was his brother who needed the support and advice from Tatsuha, not the other way around.  Eiri had always had a rough time as a kid, granted, but he'd also been pretty distant and aloof, so he hadn't liked to get involved with Tatsuha's problems.  The two siblings had been more like distant friends than anything else and that had always suited them just fine.  It wasn't often that Eiri to actually tried to be a brother.  The conversation they'd had the other day, for instance, was a rarity on Eiri's part, and the number he'd given Tatsuha earlier hadn't exactly been expected, either.  What did Eiri care if Tatsuha was happy or not?

Thinking that over, Tatsuha looked in the mirror and gave himself a half-hearted smile.  Maybe Shuichi had been a better influence on Eiri than the writer wanted to believe...

Tatsuha, when he finally found the phone, couldn't stop himself from hoping that maybe, just maybe, this was Sakuma Ryuichi's phone number.  Eiri had his connections, didn't he?  Surely he could find a little insignificant thing like a phone number for his needy and pathetic little brother?  Right?  He could just imagine it...

_***  "Hello?" Ryuichi would ask, answering the phone._

_Tatsuha would be suave and collected when he responded.  "Hey, it's me."_

_"Tatsuha-kun?" the singer would say, alarmed.  "I...  I wasn't expecting you to call me!"_

_Tatsuha, of course, would falter.  "Oh...  Well, you don't have to--"_

_"NO!  I was actually going to call you, Tatsuha-kun.  I wanted to apologize for not being more considerate of your feelings that one time a couple weeks ago.  I was scared that you'd laugh at me and..."_

_"I would never laugh at you, Sakuma-san!"_

_Ryuichi would laugh then.  "Please, Tatsuha-kun, call me Ryuichi!"_

_"Aa...  Yes!  Whatever you say Sa--Ryuichi."_

_"Anyway, I'd like to make it up to you.  How does a romantic dinner and a night of love sound to you?  Tomorrow night?"_

_"It sounds great!  I'll see you then!"  And then they'd hang up.  ***_

Tatsuha wiped the smile of his face.  Yeah, right.  Like that was going to happen.  There was no way Eiri had Sakuma Ryuichi's phone number on file (although it was apparently listed in Shuichi's cell phone) and chances were that Ryuichi had no idea how Tatsuha felt about what had happened.  With Tatsuha's luck, Ryuichi probably didn't even remember it...  Damn.

Sighing to himself, Tatsuha dialed the number on the paper and waited.  The phone rang.  Once.  Twice.  Three--

"Shinsetsuna residence.  How may I be of service to you?"

Shinsetsuna?  Tatsuha furrowed his brow, trying to think.  Did he know a Shinsetsuna?  The popular vote said no.  And the person on the other end was a man (or at least sounded like a man), so Tatsuha was pretty sure it wasn't one of Eiri's many ex-sex-toys or anything like that.  What was this supposed to be, exactly?"

Tatsuha considered hanging up, but he didn't.  "My brother told me to call this number and he didn't--"

"Aa, you're Eiri Yuki's brother.  Of course.  If you'll hang on for one moment, I'll connect you to Benri Maki and she will help you from there on out.  Please hold."

"Hey, hang on!" Tatsuha protested.  "I'm not trying to go on a scavenger hunt here!  Why did Eiri give me your number?  Is this some kind--"

The tinkling of classical music began to play.

"...of joke?" Tatsuha finished weakly.  This was _so_ not fair.  Seeing that he really had no other choice, he stayed on the line, waiting for someone--anyone to pick up.  He stared blankly at the wall in front of him, trying desperately to figure out what was going on.  If Shinsetsuna was just going to connect him to someone else, why hadn't Eiri given him _that_ person's phone number in the first place?  God, what was this?  If it was a joke, Eiri really had a terrible sense of humor, that son of a--

"Uesugi-san, if you'd please hang on for just one more moment, I'll connect you up to room 416," a woman (Benri Maki?) said, forcing Tatsuha out of his reverie.  "Please hold.  It will only take a moment."

Tatsuha sighed.  "All right," he said.  He didn't even care anymore, he really didn't.  This was stupid--_really_ stupid---but he just couldn't bring himself to care.

There was no music this time, just silence, but even that was better than the corny hold music he'd had to sit through before.  And it didn't last as long, either, as a phone soon began to ring.  On the fourth ring, someone picked up the receiver.

"Good evening, Tatsuha-kun.  I've been expecting your call."  It was a woman and, suddenly, Tatsuha knew who it was, too.  He took a deep breath.

"Ukai-san."

"Oh, please, call me Noriko.  I'm your sister's best friend, you know, so it isn't as though you don't know me at all.  All right?"

Tatsuha paused.  "Um...  Sure."

"Wonderful!  I'm so glad you remembered me, dear.  In any case, I remember that you were such a nice boy--a touch lecherous and horny, but still nice--and I was told that you'd met up with Ryuichi not too long ago."

"Who told you that?" Tatsuha asked suspiciously.  If Eiri had blabbed to _anyone_, the writer was going to be waking up with no hair left on his head.  Shuichi would be upset, of course, but he'd eventually learn to live with a bald lover.  And Eiri would probably be furious, but it would grow back sooner or later.  After all, their father, as a monk, had to shave his head on a regular basis and it always grew back, whether the old fart liked it or not.  Male pattern baldness did _not_ run in their family, thank goodness.

"Ryuichi.  Who else?" asked Noriko.  "He didn't really give me any specifics as to what happened between the two of you, but I know him well enough to venture a guess.  And after I came into contact with your brother, I guessed I'd guessed right."

"You..."  Tatsuha furrowed his brow in confusion and then shook his head.  "Whatever.  How did Eiri--"

"Is that really important, Tatsuha-kun?" Noriko asked.  "Let's just say that he had to work with my husband not too long ago so he could garner some research for a book of his and then leave it at that, all right?"

"So why did I have to--"

"Stay on hold for so long?  Privacy, dear.  Shinsetsuna is my husband's current aid--you know, a student who basically gets to run errands in return for the opportunity to teach a few classes--and Maki is my daughter's nanny, as well as one of the few people outside of my family who know my private number.  My darling hubby thought it would be wise if your brother gave you a more circuitous route to follow and I agreed."

"But why--"

"Don't ask questions, dear.  Right now I like you better with your mouth closed.  Why don't you just keep quiet and let me do the talking, hm?"

"But--"

"Do you want my help or not?  This is a one-time-only offer, you know."

Tatsuha hesitated.  "Your help with what, exactly?"

Noriko laughed.  "I like you, Tatsuha-kun, so I'm going to offer you the chance of a lifetime: a never-before-seen glimpse into Sakuma Ryuichi's messed up little brain.  Are you game?"

"So you want to help me do what?"

"Get Ryuichi, of course!  You want him, don't you?"

"Yeah, but..."  Tatsuha took a deep breath.  "But I don't want your help.  I want to do this on my own, y'know?  If I'd wanted someone to do it for me, I would have begged Tohma.  I may be desperate, but I've got standards."

"Oh, good!" Noriko said.  "If you'd said yes, I would have had ended this conversation right then and there!  And I do like you, Tatsuha-kun, so I'd hate to have to do that.  Especially since Ryuichi has been all alone for a very long time now.  Tohma and I both grew up years ago and had lives beyond Nittle Grasper, but Ryuichi...  He's stuck in the past, I guess.  You see, lots of things happened to him a long time ago and he--"

"Please, Noriko-san, it's late and I'm tired," Tatsuha interrupted.  "Can you get to the point here?"

"Of course.  Ryuichi likes you, Tatsuha, and I can't help but thing that maybe it's not just as a friend.  I'd like to think that maybe you're the guy who can help Ryuichi get his life on track again--help him grow up a little.  And so I'm going to give you a little bit of advice, all right?"

Tatsuha hesitated.  "I guess that would be okay."

"Great.  When you're dealing with Ryuichi, sometimes you really do just _have_ to underestimate him. "

"What do you mean?" Tatsuha asked, confused.

"I mean that maybe you should try a different approach if Ryuichi really is what you want.  Understand?"

"Not really."

Noriko laughed.  "And that's why I'm letting you go after Ryuichi like this; I wouldn't let just anybody do it, you know.  Anyway, I gave you Ryuichi's digits once upon a time, didn't I?  That day Shindou-san went on that cooking show [1]?"

Tatsuha thought back.  She had, hadn't she?  "Yeah, you did.  I have it memorized."

"Obsessive much?"  Noriko sighed.  "Well, why not try _calling_ him?"

"He probably won't remember me," Tatsuha mumbled.

Noriko snorted.  It was a very unlady like thing to do, but Noriko wasn't exactly anyone's idea of a typical woman.  "I know I told you that you have to underestimate him every once in a while, but maybe that's a little too much.  No one is going to force you to call him, dear, but wouldn't you rather _know_ what could happen if you did see him again than spend the rest of forever wondering 'what if'?"  She paused; Tatsuha could hear someone speaking to her in the background.  Her husband?  "Look, dear, I have to hang up.  It was nice talking to you again, darling and...  Well, good luck!"

"Thanks.  I think."

"Any time," she replied cheerfully, and then she hung up.

Tatsuha set down the receiver and bit his lip.  "So," he asked himself, "what now?"

**---to be continued---**

[1]: Manga volume six, track three.  Bad Luck goes on a cooking show in order to win tickets to Tokyo Disney and, in order to inspire him, Hiro pays Tatsuha to pretend to be Eiri.  Noriko finds out about this and promises to give Tatsuha Ryuichi's home phone number if he continues the façade.


	6. Part Six

**Title:** Spin

**Author:** Hawk Clowd

**Disclaimer: **so far as I know, I own nothing.  Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world.  I just like to play. 

**Blood Type:** I don't care...  Something flammable, like hairspray.  Simply because you could light a match and Ryuichi would be on _fire_.

**Warnings:** very few.  Yaoi, which is a fairly obvious one, considering the fandom, random smut, and possible angst.

**Archived:** all of the usual places.

**Part: **Six

**Author's Notes:** we're approaching the end, ladies and gents!  Aren't you happy?  (I know I am...)  I'm thinking three more parts, max.  Maybe even just one--wouldn't that be nice?  It really depends on how these next bits unfold, hm?

---

Hours passed.  Unable to sleep, Tatsuha eventually gave up and turned the television on low so that it wouldn't wake up Eiri or Shuichi.  Then he began to flip through the channels, trying to find something that was both halfway decent and mind-numbingly boring to put him to sleep, but he was met with little success.  He started dozing off around three a.m. only to be woken up an hour or so later when Eiri started rattling around in the kitchen.  Tatsuha peeled himself off of the leather couch and glared in his brother's general direction, knowing full well that the writer couldn't see it.

"What the fuck are you doing awake?" he called over, more than a little peeved that his precious few hours of sleep had been disturbed so quickly.

"I had an interesting dream.  I was going to write it down for future reference, but I've forgotten it already, and so now I'm making coffee.  Do you want any?" Eiri asked good-naturedly.  It was almost weird.

All right, so it was very weird.

"What I _want_ is another couple hours of sleep," Tatsuha said with a groan, walking into the kitchen.  "I've been up all night."

"Doing what?"

Tatsuha shot his brother a look.  "What do you think?"  He sighed, running a hand through his hair.  "I've got a lot to think about before tomorrow evening, you know."

Eiri gave him a confused look.  "What's happening tomorrow?"

"I'm going home, remember?" Tatsuha reminded him.  "Back to the temple.  My summer break is just about over."

Nodding, Eiri started looking in the cabinets for something or other.  "Mm.  Wasn't a very long break, was it?"

"They never are."  Tatsuha looked out the window listlessly.  Eiri's penthouse apartment was eight or nine stories up, so it was quite a view.  "I liked hanging out here.  Thanks for letting me stay."

"Yeah.  It was a little bit okay, I suppose."

Tatsuha smirked.  "You're just put out because Shuichi wouldn't give you any for a long while there," he accused.

Eiri shrugged.  "You are more than welcome to believe whatever you want."

Yawning, Tatsuha tried a smile.  "Thanks, I guess.  Hey, that phone number you gave to me yesterday...  It was--"

"I didn't give you a phone number," Eiri interrupted quickly.  "I promised I would not meddle in your affairs if Shuichi agreed not to meddle, either, so don't you dare even try to tell anyone that I gave you the means to contact Ukai Noriko."

"I'll keep my mouth shut," Tatsuha promised.  "But, you know, Shuichi really does have you whipped."

Eiri neither confirmed or denied the accusation, opting instead to narrow his eyes and then turn away to pour coffee into his mug.  He pretty much always drank his coffee the same way--black for the first sip and then with two sugars after that.  It was something he'd probably picked up in New York, since Eiri had never even tried drinking coffee before his trip to America.

Tatsuha wordlessly handed Eiri the bowl of sugar that was sitting on the table and the writer nodded in gratitude.

"So what are you going to do about that singer of yours, now that you've spoken to that keyboardist woman?" Eiri asked disinterestedly.  Tatsuha got the feeling that the writer was only asking about it because he felt he had to, as if it was his duty as a brother to ask follow-up questions like that, and Tatsuha didn't like that at all.

"None of your business," he answered snidely.

"Fair enough."  Eiri set his coffee mug on the counter and pushed it away.  "Fuck.  Shuichi's been fiddling with the coffee again.  This stuff is shit."

"But you made the coffee, not Shuichi," Tatsuha pointed out, confused.

Eiri frowned.  "That doesn't mean anything," he said stubbornly.  "Sometimes Shuichi gets it into his head that he should modify the coffee beans or whatever and he'll try to add things.  He usually either makes bad coffee or breaks the machine.  I like it better when he breaks the machine."

"But how do you--?"

"Only Shuichi could mess up coffee this badly," Eiri said in a tone of voice that left no room for argument.  "I hate it when he makes me coffee."

Tatsuha furrowed his brow.  "But you still drink it," he noted.  "You can't hate it _that_ much if you keep drinking it pretty much every single morning."

"I beg to differ."  Eiri eyed the coffee mug and then picked it up again, taking another gulp.  Grimacing, he overturned the cup over the sink, letting the contents drip into the drain.  "I swear, that brat is the only person in the world can mess up coffee when he's not even making it."

Tatsuha kept quiet.

Eiri sighed.  "Well, I'm going back to bed.  This crap has destroyed any and all ideas I may actually have been able to use, so there's no point in even sitting down in front of that damned computer."

It was a little known fact, but Japan's best-selling novelist couldn't stand to sit in front of his computer.  For that matter, he didn't even like the computer; Eiri liked to move around while he thought and worked, but he couldn't do that if he was typing.  When he'd lived in Kyoto, after the year in New York, Eiri had somehow convinced Tatsuha to take dictation for him.  The writer would walk around the room, making up words and sentences as he moved, and Tatsuha would sit in front of the keyboard, typing for him.  It had worked well; Eiri only had to spend about half an hour after every little "session" in front of the computer, looking for any mistakes Tatsuha may have made or revising a sentence or two, and Tatsuha had learned more about his brother than he ever had before in his life.  When Eiri had moved out once and for all, however, the writer had been forced to spend more time sitting down than he'd wanted.  Tatsuha theorized that this was the reason Eiri rarely made his deadlines.

"Hey, Eiri?" Tatsuha started.  "Why don't you just use a recorder or something and keep all your thoughts and shit in there?  Hell, you could probably even 'write' the whole book that way, on tape, and then transfer it to paper once you have it all worked out."

"Already tried it," Eiri muttered in reply.  "Hated it.  I'm going to bed."

Tatsuha left the kitchen in favor of his makeshift bed.  Once Eiri had gone back to bed and shut the bedroom door behind him, Tatsuha pulled a blanket over his head and burrowed deep into the couch in order to attempt catching a few hours rest.  Shuichi's alarm would be going off in a few hours so that the singer could get up for work, and Tatsuha didn't want to be dead on his feet for the rest of the day.

The attempt failed; Tatsuha could not get to sleep.  A scant half-hour passed before he gave up and threw his covers aside, reaching for the phone.  He punched a few digits and waited a moment while the phone rang.  Once, twice, three--

"Moshi moshi?" a tired voice answered.

Tatsuha swallowed against the lump in his throat, desperately trying to regain use of his voice.  It was harder than it should have been.  "Sakuma-san?"

"Mmmgh?"

Tatsuha assumed that was some sort of confirmation.  "This is Tatsuha Uesugi," he said, trying for boldness.  "Do you remember me?"

"Tatsuha-kun?" the sleepy voice repeated.  There was a small sound, like sheets rustling and something falling to the floor.  "It's five-twenty in the morning."  That sounded more like an observation than criticism, so Tatsuha let out a relieved sigh, deciding there was nothing to worry about.

"Look, Sakuma-san, I think we really need to talk."

"That's fine, Tatsuha-kun, but it's five o'clock, na no da.  Can it wait until later?  Like sometime after the sun comes up?"

Tatsuha shook his head and then realized that Ryuichi couldn't see the gesture through the phone lines.  "No, it really sort of can't.  Well, I mean, it can, but then I won't be able to sleep and I leave real soon and I don't want to fall asleep on the train and I don't think that I can--"

"Naaa, s'okay, Tatsuha-kun.  There's a music store down by NG Studio called 'Tripper'.  It used to be called Swizzle Stick, but some new people bought the place and they changed the name.  It's a great place, na no da, so I go there a lot.  If you really want to talk, I'll meet you there in half an hour, okay?"

Tatsuha let out a very long breath of air.  "Yeah, that's fine.  I'll see you there."

**---to be continued---**


	7. Part Seven

**Title:** Spin

**Author:** Hawk Clowd

**Disclaimer: **so far as I know, I own nothing. Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world. I just like to play.

**Blood Type:** I don't care... Something flammable, like hairspray. Simply because you could light a match and Ryuichi would be on _fire_.

**Warnings:** very few. Yaoi, which is a fairly obvious one, considering the fandom, random smut, and possible angst.

**Archived:** all of the usual places.

**Part: **Seven

**Author's Notes:** the end is near (yay)! Isn't that wonderful? I know that it definitely makes me happy. When this is done, I can start something else! ...Wait, that's not cool...

---

The music store Ryuichi had mentioned was actually closer to Eiri's apartment than it was to NG Studio. Tatsuha, who couldn't afford cab fare, walked over, but was still surprised to see that Sakuma Ryuichi was already standing there, waiting for him.

"Hey."

Ryuichi spared Tatsuha a smile, but he was looking intently into the windows of the music store, as though he was deep in though, so Tatsuha couldn't bring himself to disturb the singer any further. He waited patiently. Ryuichi eventually pulled away from the window.

"I love this store," the singer stated simply.

"Are the owners fans of yours?"

Ryuichi laughed. "Definitely not. They don't sell Japanese music here--it's mostly the same stuff they sold in America last year. And they don't even know who I am, I think, which is nice, na no da." He paused. "They used to be called 'Swizzle Stick', but they call it 'Tripper' now. Dunno why, but I like it."

"It's catchy," Tatsuha agreed.

"Mmm." Ryuichi didn't speak for a long while, but when he turned to face Tatsuha his smile was serious. "So what did you want to talk to me about, Tatsuha-kun?"

Tatsuha faltered. Although he had planned this conversation in his head at least a million times, he didn't know quite how to handle it now that it was actually happening. Noriko Ukai had told him to try underestimating Ryuichi every once in a while, but, looking into Ryuichi's eyes, Tatsuha remembered why he admired and obsessed over Sakuma Ryuichi, who was just a man, although he seemed like a god.

"Lots of things," Tatsuha answered hesitantly. He could barely talk; his tongue was growing thick and dull and his mouth felt dry. Why was this _happening_ to him? Not too long ago he had been singing bad karaoke and drinking good wine with this man, after all. They'd come super close to actually having sex, even! Why was he so helpless now?

Ryuichi waited for Tatsuha to elaborate, but when the younger man grew silent, the singer dropped the subject. "Want to take a walk? There's a bakery that opens super early and it's only a little bit away. It has pastries. Good ones."

Tatsuha almost gagged. The idea of eating something so heavy first thing in the morning was hardly appealing; Tatsuha was a fan of plain rice in the morning--a traditional Japanese breakfast.

Ryuichi smiled, obviously guessing the source of Tatsuha's hesitation. "Or we could go back to my apartment and I'll make something for you. You might like it a little better."

Tatsuha thought for a moment. Did he really want to go back to Ryuichi's apartment? No. If he was going to talk to Ryuichi, he had to do it on his turf.

"The bakery is fine. I've got to learn to try new things anyway, right?"

"I've heard it's good for you," Ryuichi said. Whether or not he agreed with Tatsuha was a mystery. "C'mon, the bakery is down this way."

The singer turned a corner and started down one of the back alley roads, and Tatsuha followed a step or two behind. The only thing breaking the persistent silence was Ryuichi's faint humming, and even that was muted near to stillness. It made Tatsuha feel better, though; Shuichi hummed like that, too, albeit louder, and it was a little thing like that which made Tatsuha feel slightly more at ease. Several minutes passed before Tatsuha lost control and let his thoughts burst from his lips.

"It wasn't just nothing to me!" he cried out.

"Then enlighten me," Ryuichi said in what was an almost cajoling manner, never missing a beat. It seemed that he had a rather good idea of what Tatsuha was talking about. "What was it to you?"

"It was... It..." Tatsuha couldn't make his mouth work properly. This wasn't going well. "It was... _something_."

"Something," Ryuichi repeated, quirking an eyebrow. "That's not really a lotta go offa, na no da."

"Yeah, I know, but... Well..."

Ryuichi waited patiently for Tatsuha to continue, using the opportunity to find Kumagoro (the plush toy had been tucked somewhere; Tatsuha didn't care to investigate that any further) and play with the rabbit.

Tatsuha took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly, trying to get a grip. It was harder to do than it should have been. "Look, last time I saw you, things... _happened_. And they probably would have happened even more if I hadn't sobered up and chickened out right then! Maybe they didn't really mean anything to you, since you're a big star and probably could get anyone in the world to sleep with you just by asking them, but, well, it was sort of a big thing to me, and I think you should at least try and respect that."

Ryuichi still said nothing, but he watched Tatsuha carefully, idly playing with Kumagoro.

"I'm probably not even the first person to come after you and tell you this before, either. You probably have girls begging on their knees for you to acknowledge them, but you..." Tatsuha saw that Ryuichi was just looking at him indifferently and he flared. "Jeez, what's _wrong_ with you? Has being so famous for so long numbed your sense or something? I mean, I know Ukai-san said you--"

"Noriko?" Ryuichi's eyes narrowed just slightly. "I adore her, but if she knew what was good for her she would keep her nose out of my business." His gaze turned hard. "And no matter what she told you, she was wrong."

Tatsuha scowled. Pouring his heart out hadn't worked, being calm hadn't worked... Maybe getting mad and getting all of this off his chest would? It was worth a shot. "Right now I sort of doubt that."

"Do you?"

"Yes, I do," Tatsuha replied bitterly. "You're not the person I thought you were."

"And just what sort of person did you think I was?" Ryuichi asked. "A superhuman? A god? I've definitely heard all of _those_ before--and more, on top of that! Listen here, Tatsuha-kun, and listen good. I'm just a guy. A regular, slightly flamboyant, middle-aged guy. That's all. I don't think you see that."

It was Tatsuha's turn to be silent.

"Just look at me!" Ryuichi cried, gesturing at himself. "I'm over thirty years old. I don't even _know_ exactly how old I am, because it's too hard for me to remember! And everyone still thinks I'm nineteen or something! I'm ancient. Washed up. I wear makeup to hide my wrinkles and dye my hair to keep the gray out, because everyone tells me that image is everything, and still they treat me like I'm still a kid!"

"Maybe if you tried _acting_ your age, everyone would treat you with respect, like you apparently want them to do!" Tatsuha retorted. "Don't you have any sense at all? If you want everyone to treat you like an adult, start acting like one! Stop playing with that stupid toy bunny and find someone you like and settle down! Why not try that?"

"BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT," Ryuichi bellowed, shocking Tatsuha. Then, taking a deep breath, he continued in a much quieter tone. "I can't change. Things have to stay the same."

"But why?" Tatsuha asked weakly. "Things would be better for you if you changed just a little, wouldn't they? Isn't that what--"

"Don't you get it?" Ryuichi interrupted. "That could be the beginning of a downward spiral for me--an end to everything! The… The world would start spinning faster and faster and then we would get to be so dizzy that there would be nothing I--or you--could do to stop it." He shook his head. "Things are best right where they are. That way no one gets hurt."

"You're afraid," Tatsuha realized, shocked. When Ryuichi didn't answer, he went on speaking. "That's what it is, isn't it?"

"I am _not_ afraid," Ryuichi protested hoarsely. "What do _I_ have to be afraid of?"

"Everything," Tatsuha answered promptly. "If you act like the person you really are, it could be that people might not like you anymore. And in that case, you wouldn't be as famous as you are now, you wouldn't be able to sing with Nittle Grasper, and it would all go to shit. You could lose everything you have now."

Ryuichi didn't say a word.

Tatsuha considered that. "But that's not it, is it? Nope. If you _do_ grow up, you could meet someone who makes you happy, fall in love, and then have your heart broken. And then what would you have? No band, no love, and a few shattered pieces of your heart. Is that what you're scared of?" Tatsuha asked. He was pushing it here and he knew it, but the past few weeks had been maddening for him and he was angry. "That is what you're scared of, isn't it?"

"I'm not afraid of being hurt," Ryuichi murmured weakly.

"In that case, that's even worse! It's stupid, because then all you're really afraid of is being happy. And that's worse than being afraid of getting hurt."

Ryuichi let out a long breath of air. "I think this is where we part ways," he said coldly, quietly. "Goodbye, Tatsuha-kun."

That said, Ryuichi turned on his heel and began to walk back toward the music store they had met in front of only a scant half-hour before. Tatsuha watched him go, then shivered as he looked around, trying to figure out exactly where he was. As it turned out, he wasn't far from Eiri's apartment, so he returned there and retired to the couch to sleep away the rest of the night.

**---to be continued---**


	8. Part Eight

**Title:** Spin

**Author:** Hawk Clowd

**Disclaimer: **so far as I know, I own nothing.  Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world.  I just like to play. 

**Blood Type:** I don't care...  Something flammable, like hairspray.  Simply because you could light a match and Ryuichi would be on _fire_.

**Warnings:** very few.  Yaoi, which is a fairly obvious one, considering the fandom, random smut, and possible angst.

**Part: **Eight

**Author's Notes:** Well, this is it!  (Finally!)  Now I can work on other things...  Yay!

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Tatsuha woke up for the final time that day a little past seven o'clock--after his second fateful meeting with Sakuma Ryuichi--to the sound of Shuichi's alarm clock buzzing loudly in the master bedroom.  Tatsuha grimaced, grateful, at least, that it was in the _other _room--at the beginning of the summer, Shuichi had forgotten to move the clock from its normal place next to the couch and the alarm had blasted right into Tatsuha's ear.  After moving it into the master bedroom, Tatsuha had told Eiri just how sad it was that the writer still made Shuichi sleep on the couch when the two of them didn't have any guests, but Eiri had just shrugged.  Typical.

Tatsuha turned his ear toward the master bedroom.  The alarm continued to blast for a few moments before there was a crash (Eiri smashing the thing with whatever heavy object he could find, usually a book), a thump (Eiri pushing Shuichi out of the bed), and a muffled cry of indignation (Shuichi).  Tatsuha yawned, burrowing back into his cocoon of blankets, and smiled just slightly.  Mornings in Eiri's apartment, although deliciously predictable, were never dull.

It wasn't too long before Shuichi, sleep tumbled and grumbling, threw open the bedroom door and stalked out, dressed in a worn, old robe and whatever pajamas he'd thrown on the night before (assuming he was wearing pajamas, of course.  It was sometimes a little hard to tell with Shuichi).  Tatsuha didn't bother to actually look over, but he knew that if he peeked in through the still-open door to the bedroom, he would see Eiri laying on his stomach, trying to suffocate himself with a pillow.  The writer would eventually get up, shower, and dress, but it would take him at least half an hour to do so.

Shuichi, rubbing sleep from his eyes, flipped the kitchen light on.  The light leaked into the living room, where Tatsuha was still trying to sleep, and Tatsuha groaned loudly.

Shuichi laughed.  "G'morning, Tatsuha," he called from the kitchen.

Tatsuha hissed in response, burying his face deeper into the couch.

The singer laughed again, his early morning grogginess wearing off quickly, as usual.  "Don't give me that," he scolded good-naturedly.  "You've gotta get up, too!  You're supposed to be at the train station by ten so that you can get back to Kyoto a little after noon, but you haven't done any packing or anything!  Get up, sleepy head."

"Not gonna," Tatsuha mumbled.

Shuichi shrugged.  "Okay."  That said, he started bustling around the kitchen, fixing himself some cereal and starting the day's coffee.

Tatsuha would have made fun of Shuichi, had he been sentient enough to connect his thoughts.  It didn't take a lot to twist that singer's arm, did it?

Shuichi hummed loudly while he ate his cereal, successfully keeping Tatsuha from falling back to asleep.  Tatsuha groaned silently; this was _not_ fair!  He'd managed to get a grand total of three hours sleep, and here was Shuichi, well rested and cheerful so early in the morning!  At times like these, Tatsuha decided, he could understand why some people were driven to murder.

"Shut up in there!" Eiri yelled from the bedroom.  Tatsuha could hear the faint sound of the writer getting out of bed and trudging into the bathroom to shave and take his first shower of the day.  Not too long afterward, Tatsuha felt a weight settle atop his legs.

Tatsuha paused.  "Eiri?"

"Mmm?"

"Are you sitting on me?"

"Could be."

Tatsuha lifted his head only slightly and caught a glimpse of his elder brother comfortably lounging across Tatsuha's legs, flicking the flame to his lighter on and off.  It was a nervous habit the writer had picked up since Shuichi had started stealing his cigarettes and flushing them down the toilet, and it was annoying.

"Ger'off," Tatsuha ordered.  He looked up again.  Was Eiri smirking?  Bastard.

"Make me," Eiri responded lightly, flicking the lighter one last time before returning the thing to his shirt pocket.

Tatsuha made a weak effort of dislodging his brother, but he quickly gave up when the writer showed no sign of moving.  "Y'know, sometimes I really hate you."

"Mmhm," Eiri responded disinterestedly.  "That's nice."

Tatsuha made a few more futile attempts at moving Eiri, but he soon ran out of options.  "I didn't want to have to do this," he warned, "but you leave me no choice.  Get off or I'll have to resort to drastic measures."

Eiri shot the younger boy a look.  "Such as?"

"You'll see."  Tatsuha took a deep breath.  "Shuichi, Eiri just told me that he's going to kick you out!  Permanently!"

Tatsuha was not sure if Shuichi had just tuned into their conversation at that point in time and his panic was sincere or if he simply thought it was funny and was playing along, but the singer let out a screeching wail and bolted out of the kitchen to get to Eiri.  Tatsuha let out an 'oomph' as Shuichi clambered over his legs to get to the writer, but no one acknowledged it.

Shuichi clung to Eiri's neck.  "Yuki, you're so mean!  Why would you throw me out after all this time?  Yuki!"

"I am not throwing you out!" Eiri protested, trying to pry Shuichi off him.  Tatsuha grimaced--their mock scuffle was undoubtedly more painful for him than for them.

Upon hearing Eiri's proclamation, Shuichi squealed and pounced on the writer once again, wrapping him in a tight hug.  A few seconds passed and then Eiri cursed and jerked forward, off Tatsuha's legs.  Shuichi, who had managed to attach himself to the man, was barely hanging on, having circled his arms and legs around the writer.  Eiri was clutching his left ear.  Tatsuha quickly scooted into a sitting position, hoping to avoid a repeat performance.  When Eiri finally stopped cursing, he took a moment to glare at Shuichi and then set the singer down on the couch next to Tatsuha, prying his lover off of him before he retreated to the opposite end of the room.

Eiri glowered at Tatsuha.  "You play dirty."

Shuichi jumped up from the couch and took Eiri's arm, leading the writer into the kitchen.  "I made you coffee," he told the blond man.  "It's good stuff!  You should have a cup before you go watch TV or write or whatever it is you do while I'm not here."

"Pay some whores to have promiscuous, unprotected sex with me?" Eiri offered.

Shuichi shrugged and nodded.  "If that's what you do when I'm not here, then yeah, I guess so.  But you can't have nasty hooker sex on an empty stomach, so come eat cereal or rice or something before you turn into a skeleton and die."

Tatsuha watched the two of them retreat into the kitchen, glad to see them disappear into the other room even though he knew they were just going to bicker and grope one another as soon as they were out of sight.  Eiri and Shuichi's relationship was kind of sweet, Tatsuha decided.  In a sick and twisted sort of way, of course.  The two of them were each a good influence on the other, after all--Shuichi had tried his best to teach Eiri how to be a real person and Eiri had taught Shuichi how to...

All right, so it was a little bit one-sided.  But hey, so long as Eiri and Shuichi were happy with it, who was he to complain?

A few hours passed, and Tatsuha soon found himself eyeing the Shinkansen, the bullet train that would be taking him most of the way home.  He hated riding the thing; the stations were always packed, the cars never had any sitting room, and his ears _always_ popped, no matter what steps he took to prevent it.  He had waited a long while that day before calling a taxi to take him to the station, hoping that Eiri would take pity on him and offer him a ride back to Kyoto, but, of course, it never happened.  Eiri had only barely managed to grunt a goodbye when Tatsuha had left the apartment, after all.

Brothers, Tatsuha decided, were absolutely no good for anything.

Shouldering his backpack, which he had somehow managed to fit almost all of his things into (Shuichi had promised to mail the remaining things to him soon), Tatsuha started toward the open door of the bullet train.  He had only taken a single step when he heard someone call out his name.  Tatsuha couldn't quite figure out who it was, given the noise of the station, but he stopped anyway, turning around to see Shuichi running toward him, both arms waving in the air.  Rolling his eyes, Tatsuha backtracked.

"What's going on?" Tatsuha inquired as he approached.  "Aren't you supposed to be working right now?"  He looked around.  "K isn't going to come running out with a gun in his hands, is he?"

Shuichi laughed.  "I called in an early lunch break, so I'm good.  Besides, I wouldn't really call what I do _working_, since it's more like sitting around and letting K and Sakano talk at me while I pretend to be listening and then doing the photo thingies and the TV appearances and sometimes then getting to sing, although it's mostly just in the sound booth, and then letting K and Sakano talk at me some listening to Suguru bitch about stuff that I don't care about and then getting all the important details from Hiro and then going to go and redo the singing and..."

Tatsuha patiently let Shuichi talk himself out.  The Shinkansen he was supposed to take home was leaving the station, but the next one would be by soon, so it didn't really matter too much.

Shuichi finally ended his monologue with a long inhalation of breath and a grin.  "But here I am!"

"Great," Tatsuha said.  "So why are you here, exactly?"

"Because...  Because you can't go yet!"

"Why not?" Tatsuha asked, quirking an eyebrow.  "Did something happen?"

Shuichi faltered.  "Not exactly...  But, well, you see...  Oh, I can't stand it!  Yuki made me promise not to meddle in your life, but I can't let you leave if you're not happy and stuff, so I'm gonna do it anyway and Yuki will just have to not find out about it!"

Tatsuha could only stare at the singer.  Given how this conversation was going so far, he was probably going to miss the next train, too.  Yay.

"I don't know exactly what's wrong with you because no one will tell me, not even Yuki, and he seems to know, but you've been moping around for... for _forever_ now, and it has to stop!" Shuichi cried.

"It will!  Look, Shuichi, I'm fine, honest.  And I don't think you--"

"Tatsuha-kun?"

Tatsuha froze and shot Shuichi an accusatory look.  "Please tell me that you didn't--"

Shuichi shook his head.  "I had nothing to do with this, I swear!"

Taking a deep breath, Tatsuha turned around himself facing none other than Sakuma Ryuichi, sans disguise, giving him a nervous half-smile.  The Nittle Grasper superstar didn't have Kumagoro with him for support, either, although Tatsuha did catch a glimpse of a nearby (and very confused) man holding a pink rabbit in his hands.  Tatsuha couldn't help but briefly wonder if Ryuichi actually knew the man or if he had randomly accosted a complete stranger.

"Hi."

"Hey."

Ryuichi looked over Tatsuha's shoulder at Shuichi and shot him one of his award-winning smiles.  "Shu-kun, could you give us a minute or two alone, na no da?"

"Yeah, sure," Shuichi agreed hesitantly, stepping away.

There was no such thing as 'alone' in the Shinkansen station, but Tatsuha didn't bother pointing that out.

"So what are--"

"I've been thinking about what you said," Ryuichi interrupted, "and I realized something an hour or so ago.  I've been all alone for a super, humungous, gigantumous long time, and...  And I don't _need_ to be.  I mean, Nori-chan and Tohma never ever let Nittle Grasper's success keep them from living real lives or anything like that.  And _then_ I realized I wasn't really happy, na no da.  And I was thinking of ways to get happy and I remembered that you were leaving today and decided that maybe this was gonna be my last chance, you know?"  Ryuichi looked at Tatsuha imploringly.  "I really like you, and I think that maybe I'd be happier if maybe we could sorta start over?  Take bits a little slower, try for a little less lust?  What do you think?"

Tatsuha considered the singer momentarily.  "No," he said, surprising even himself.  "No," he said again, having decided that he liked the sound of it.

Ryuichi blinked at him.  "What?"

"I know what you're asking, but...  Well, I've been doing some thinking, too, and I realized that I was better off _before_ I really got to know you.  Even if that hadn't happened, well...  Right now?  Right now I'm fine as is.  I mean, I'm still in high school, I'm training to be a monk, and it's pretty friggin' obvious that my brother is never going to have kids, no matter how often he and Shuichi keep trying, so my dad is going to be pegging me for an heir, if he ever gets it through his skull that Eiri is, in fact, gay, so I don't think he could handle two sons without girlfriends right now.  Maybe once he's dead, but not now."

"Wow," Ryuichi said after a moment.  "So, never?  You're turning me down?"

"Not really.  I'm sort of just post-poning it a little."  Tatsuha combed a hand through his hair.  "You have no idea how long I've wanted to say yes to a question like that, Sakuma-san  I've dreamed of this sort of thing coming from you since before I could _walk_.  This is just a bad time for it to actually happen, all things considered, that's all."

"So you're _not_ turning me down?" Ryuichi asked, as if to clarify.

"Nope."  Tatsuha started digging through his backpack for a pen and some paper, managing to drop five or six of his shirts onto the ground in the process.  "Turn around," he ordered, once he'd found something he could write with.

"What for?" Ryuichi asked.

"I'm going to give you my phone number and my email," Tatsuha told him, "so that we can keep in touch. "

Ryuichi shrugged and turned his back to Tatsuha, who, using Ryuichi as a desk, scribbled down his contact information and then handed the paper to the singer.

"Thanks."

"Yeah.  Now that you have those, you'd better use them," Tatsuha instructed.  "It would be nice if we could be friends before we tried being anything else."

Ryuichi smiled.  "I'm terrible at this sort of thing."

"I bet you're terrible at a lot of things.  But I have Ukai-san's phone number, still, so I'll have her beat you until you've gotten into the habit of writing to me regularly," Tatsuha told him.  He checked the train.  "I'm going to miss my car if I don't go now..."

"You don't actually wanna ride that thing, do you?"

"Not really.  Are you offering to give me a ride?"

"Yup!"

"You drive?"

"...Nope."  Ryuichi laughed awkwardly.  "I can make a few phone calls, though, and get you a ride up there.  Tohma will prolly be mad when I don't come back to work right away, but he'll deal with it."

Tatsuha chuckled.  "I'll just take the train, but thank you."  He paused.  "Er...  Would a kiss for the road be too much to ask for?"

Ryuichi laughed.  "Of course note," he answered, getting on his toes so that he could reach Tatsuha's mouth.

When they pulled away, Tatsuha couldn't help but smile.  "Thanks."

"Any time.  You'll be back in Tokyo next school break, right?  We could go do something fun, like a movie or something.  Maybe go to the zoo."

"If I can arrange it, then yeah, sure.  Eiri may throw a fit, but Shuichi is cool and he can wrap that brother of mine around his little finger."

"I wish!" Shuichi called out from nowhere.

Ryuichi giggled.  "You don't have to pretend to be hiding anymore," he informed the younger singer.  Shuichi reappeared almost immediately.

Tatsuha hid a smile.  "See you, Shuichi.  Thanks for putting up with me this summer."

"It was fun," Shuichi assured him.  "But you'd better go, if you  don't want to miss this next train."

"Yeah, I'm going."  Tatsuha grinned, reshouldering his backpack.  "I'll you guys around."

Both Shuichi and Ryuichi waved goodbye as Tatsuha stepped onto the train.

**---the end---**


End file.
